If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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