you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
