Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
