sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize