OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
