We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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