No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
