Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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