Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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