This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
