i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
