Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
