My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
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i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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