Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
