i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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