if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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