they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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