i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
