One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
