You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
