Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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