Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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