I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
