Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
