no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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