I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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