I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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