You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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