I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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