When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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