Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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