They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
