Don't make out with my wife yet
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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