I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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