i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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