Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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