when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
