Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I would fuck him just for his dog
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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