Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
