K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
