The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
