I think my vagina is haunted
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
50% drunk capacity currently
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
