Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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