Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
