Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
We won't sleep together?
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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