I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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