i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
