so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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