You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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