Walk of Shame. In a state park.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
