It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
As shirtless as possible
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
