My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
