I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
