I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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