Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
