she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize