I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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