Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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