I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
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omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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