I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
