No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
